Change...... necessary but not at all fun

So.......

Tony and I are officially done for the time being as of yesterday. We have not had a physical relationship in months, so we have basically been like roommates more than like bf/gf.

So far I hate this, but I know that time will ease the pain. He said that he knows I am headed towards marriage, and moving forward with my career, but he isn't ready for that. He said that he cannot be the bf I need him to be right now because he has a lot of matters (student loan debt, etc) he needs to get straightened out in his own life, and that it is not fair to me because he would not be thinking about me as much as he should be.

He said that he does still have feelings for me, but right now the best thing he can do is be my best friend. He said that he doesn't want me to leave his life because I am key to his survival. I am fine with that, since we haven't had much of a relationship recently anyway.

The living situation makes it really difficult for us. The rent for our 1 BR is almost $1200 a month and though I can afford it on my own, it will be very very tight. I need him to leave because otherwise it is going to be too hard for both of us to accept this for what it is and begin to heal.

Overall, I am doing as well as can be expected. I knew this was a possibility, but I really thought we would be able to work through this rough patch.

The old cliche phrase, "everything happens for a reason," is so over said but so true. : (

Farewell

So I gave Dustin to a co-worker who just moved into a bigger house in San Leandro with a nice yard for him to play in. I took him over to meet her and her husband, and her husband loved him, and wanted him right then and there. I left him there last night, and I called to check on him and he is doing great, Judy said he absolutely adores Ralph. The good thing is that once he gets settled I will still be able to see him on occasion. It just sucks that I wasn't able to give him what he needed. I did do what was best for him though and that is what matters, right? : (

Meagan made it to Mississippi yesterday. I am sad she is far away again, but she is finally in the same place as her hubby so I am also happy for her.

update

Ok so I know it has been awhile since I have posted. I thought it was time for an update on my life happenings.

I really don't like my new job. It is just mindless work, and I feel that I need to be challenged everyday. I spend a good 2-3 hours stuffing envelopes and processing mail. The other time is usually spent doing whatever my boss asks me to do.

I have decided to pursue a career in law enforcement since that is what my degree is in. I have applied for Police Dispatcher for the City of Walnut Creek, and I also just took a test for Alcoholic Beverage Control Investigator, and I find out in 2 months if I will be placed in 1 of 25 different locations throughout California. i didn't know it was for all over, and Tony really won't want to move, but I guess we will cross that bridge when we come to it. I am not doing long distance so if he doesn't move with me (if I have to move) then we may be done. I mean I am just trying to prepare myself for the worst case scenario.

On a different note, I have to find a new home for my dog Dustin. He snapped at a man at the lady who fostered him's house last week. She had never seen him do that, though he did do it two other times, so not that it is good that it happened, but at least now she believes me. We have to find him a home with no kids and someone who is less social than me with a yard, as he doesn't do well with strangers. Obviously something happened to him in the past that we don't know about. There is a shelter in utah that is on a ranch we can send him to if all else fails, they don't kill there, and he would have plenty of room to run.

I got a kitten for Snapple because she needs someone to keep her company. I wasn't planning to get one till I found a home for Dustin, but she was just too cute. I named her Izzie and she is white with gray on her ears. Dustin loves her, and Snapple is afraid of her haha.

The wedding!!!!

Ok so let's see... amazing, incredible, beautiful.... that is what the wedding for my best friend Meagan was. I was the maid-of-honor as I mentioned in other blogs, and everything went wonderfully. My speech was as follows: (I totally winged it and it was awesome!)

"This is going to be short, sweet, and to the point. I am not going to insult because she is better than that, and I am not going to try to be funny. I have had the pleasure of knowing Meagan and Bob for the past 5 years. Meg and I have been through a lot together, but she has been an amazing friend to me and that's why I know she will be a wonderful wife to Bob. Meagan was one of the first people I met when I moved to Michigan, and she was also one of the first people to make fun of my "California accent." Oddly enough, she moved from Michigan to California and she got a taste of her own medicine. I love you both very much, and here's to one year- and only one year, in Mississippi."

So I did good, had a blast, and that pretty much sums it up... oh and I caught the bouquet, watch out Tony : )

1 week down!

Ok so first of all let me just say, Vegas was crrazzzyyy fun, but not too much to handle because most of us that went are 24, 25 , 26 so we didn't get too wild. I am much too tired to post pics, but just take my word for it, it was a good time celebrating Meagan's last few weeks of single-dom. I can't believe one of my best friends is getting married in less than 3 weeks, and the pressure is on for me the maid-of-honor. I think I 'm doing ok so far, now here's hoping I can still fit in my dress ; ) ( I am planning to go on an all protein, no carbs, no sugar diet for the remaining 2 1/2 weeks till the wedding, that should help right? I am going to take my dogs to the dog park 3 days a week and workout 2, plus walk everyday, so cross your fingers! As far as the new job, I have one week under my belt, and let's just say I feel a little overqualified for the postion. Friday was spent folding invoices and stuffing envelopes for literally the entire workday. But I just keep telling myself there will be opportunity for a promotion in the future, and that I am making more money doing mindless things here than I was at CCCS. But yeah, it's comfortable, small, my boss is super nice, and we have free snacks and lunch stuff. So I like it!


Alright alright here you go

Oh how I dislike ALLERGIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This will be short, sweet, and to the POINT! I have terrible allergies. The best part is that before I moved to Michigan I didn't have any allergies whatsoever. Then I got allergies in Michigan AND when I moved back I had allergies here too. Today is a particularly awful day for some reason, and I am not the only one suffering, but on top of my horrible sunburn from Vegas, it is a lot to deal with. I used my presciption and Claritin on top of that and I am still blowing my nose and suffering from a horrible allergy headache. YAY : (

Exciting news!!

First of all, Summer is having a baby girl! She found out today, and I am way excited to buy cute little girly outfits!!!

Also, I just accepted a new job. It is for a company called MacPherson's and I will be doing accounting and administrative work. It's more money than I am making now, and it is only a 15 min commute which is going to save me all the money I now spend on BART tickets. The compnay has been around for over 100 years, and there is lots of room for growth which is what I am looking for. So.... I will obviously be posting how it is going with that, my first day is April 22nd!!!!

My new favorite toy!

This is pretty much the most amazing thing I have ever bought. Probably the best investment too! My dumb new dog keeps peeing on the damn carpet( I will admit it is usually when I am too lazy and go to bed without taking him out, but still!)

My carpet in one area smelled awful and was brown and yellow. I put the thing on it and it makes it look like nothing ever happened there! I love it!

I officially know a Major Leaguer!!!

Ok so after not knowing his fate, or my best friend Summer's fate, it is official! Erick Threets is now a member of the SF Giants (only my favorite team!)

He was in the minors for about 7 years and this year would mark the end of his contract, so we heard rumors he might be traded, which would mean one of my best friends would have to move to some faraway yucky place.

Thankfully, that didn't happen. He was called into the office yesterday before the final Exhibition Game and told he was signed. I am so glad, what a huge accomplishment! I am very proud to say I know him personally and he is a great guy, and a hard throwing lefty.

I am excited for Summer and Erick as they embark on the new chapter in their life..... they are expecting a little one in 5 or 6 months as well : )

Wedding Bells are ringing... loudly in my ears, for everyone close to me

Justine, Devon, Daniela, Emily L, Meagan, Shannon, Summer

Not to mention those of my friends ALREADY married for a year or more Gina, Kaitlin, Kristin

These are all people who have gotten married or engaged in the past year or so. Craziness!

I feel as though I am going to be the last one out of everyone to get married, and I don't know why but my clock just seems to be ticking loudly in my ear. I think about when it will happen, and if I will be 30 by the time I walk down the aisle (GOD I hope not!)

Am I the only one feeling this way?

Ranting and Raving- Topic: Money, or lack of Money....

Ok so today folks, I am bitter. (sorry if anyone at my work happens to read this!)

I want to know why, why, why, do I only make $32,000 a year? How is someone supposed to live on that amount of money? I'll tell you how- by having well-off parent swho are able to pay your car payment and car insurance while you pay all of your wages to transportation and rent.

I have to wait a full year for a raise that is not going to amount to anything with the way inflation has increased dramatically. We get anywhere from 3-5 % which is nothing!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just needed to vent, and for the record, I know I should be making way more because I have a degree, have a lot of varied work experience, and because I am dependable!

Things that make me happy

My screwy start to my day today

Ok so why is it that I always forget something?
Today started by waking up to my alarm, then falling back asleep only to hear the annoying alarm again.
I decided I was quite groggy and I should make some coffee. I couldn't find filters anywhere, so I used a paper towel. I made my coffee just how I like it, complete in a travel mug, and what do I do? I go off and leave it very conveniently on the counter along with my cell phone!!!

BUT WAIT.... it gets a little better.

I start to park my car on the street near BART and I scrape my wheel very badly on the curb, only to find out I can't park there because of street cleaning.

Work passes by with no other incidents, but I get home to find my cloth bag chewed up by D and my phone has teeth marks in it, which he got off the table and munched on! You would think it was Monday or something!

New Apartment, new dog, what more do I need? A new bf? No mine is perfect for me!

Thank you Kaitlin for getting me started on my very own blog!

As you all know, Tony and I moved into a smaller than small 480 sq ft studio back in December, but since then we have moved literally across the hall into a one bedroom as of the middle of Feb. It's so much more comfortable, not having to eat, sleep, shower and pee in the same room for the most part.

Also, in January, I got a 2nd doggy for Snapple to play with. His name is Dustin(he came with that name, I know it's dumb!). He is a mix between a Shepherd, and god knows what else.